For a long time, I thought that to fully live your life, you have to be great and live to your highest potential. A phrase that I used to hear a lot when I was in the New Age—to live as your highest self, to achieve your God-like state of enlightenment, to optimize everything (even at the cost of your nervous system).

To be ordinary and to live a quiet life is not something that the culture pushes. Maybe this is why so many people are depressed—because they can’t seem to meet the high standards of culture and society. As children, we were already taught about greatness, like those great people who made history and whose lives were very impactful. I’d say that there are outstanding men and women out there who are naturally above average. Their passion, dedication, circumstances, actions, and even luck made them who they are and helped them achieve whatever goals and dreams they have. But to most people, this kind of life—the life of greatness and influence—is not a calling for many of us. Perhaps we were even delusional to think that we can also achieve that in the near or distant future with wishful thinking. Social media and the rise of internet stardom also added to this delusion. Many people think to achieve this instant celebrity status—to perform, to show off—and to what purpose? I guess for money, fame, acknowledgments. But this type of mindset comes with a big price. It affects your peace, your nervous system, and even your relationship with those close to you. It even makes you more separated from God.

I’m not saying that to be great is bad. I think being able to do great things for others and to create needed change for the health and positive impact of others—and even for yourself—is honorable. To be great at something you love doing isn’t bad at all. But when we have this hidden desire to be on that level of greatness that is bigger than ourselves, focusing on our own willpower to achieve this or that away from what God wants for us, then we are playing God, even making an idol of ourselves. This kind of “greatness” is pride. I don’t think, as humans, we are meant to be “big” or carry all the glory, because God didn’t design us that way. We are designed to worship and glorify the Father—to abide in and obey Him.

“He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.” — John 3:30

That Bible verse is so humbling. It is spoken by John the Baptist, who, according to Jesus, was the greatest person born of women, and yet he proclaimed that Jesus must increase and that he must decrease. What does this mean for us as believers? It means to put Christ as the head and center of our lives, allowing His glory, influence, and importance to grow while diminishing our own self-centeredness, pride, and personal ambition.

I am becoming more comfortable with the idea of being ordinary. For me, I thought that to be great, I had to show up online—to perform and try to be insightful and maybe change the minds of others. Even though my intention was pure, the result cost my nervous system. My mind became restless, and my overall body was just so overwhelmed trying to catch up with everything I wanted to do. I had to slow down. In fact, slowing down was a necessity for me to survive. So I quit social media and YouTube. The only thing remaining is this tiny Instagram account I have, where I only show creative work I’ve been doing. No long posts, no hashtags, and no marketing schemes—literally just pictures, as if I were posting in 2012, how Instagram was originally created.

I am loving this quiet life. Perhaps I am in a season of quietness. I still have goals, like becoming a better mom, a faithful follower of Christ, a homemaker, and an artist (a description of me that I am starting to slowly realize and accept, and perhaps I can talk more about this later). With this quietness and living slowly, my mind is able to have the space to be creative and enjoy that process of just purely creating for joy—not to impress others, but simply being myself without pressure. I also realized what my true priorities are, what actually matters—and that is my family, my relationship with my children, being present for them, my close relationships, and friendships that are worthy of my time and energy. I learned boundaries, I learned to say no, left spaces that are not in alignment with who I am becoming, and I learned to let go of things that I have no control over.

I think the most important thing I have when it comes to living this quiet, ordinary life is that I am able to hear and listen to what God is telling me. I am not saying this in a New Age mystical way, but I have more discernment and am closer to God than ever before. I am spending more time in prayer, writing in my prayer journal, and deepening my relationship with Jesus.

God never asked me to be great. He asked me to be faithful. A quiet life lived in obedience to God is greater than a loud life lived for the world.