Recently, my daughter turned four years old.

Of course, we’re celebrating her. I adore her so much. I’m so grateful she came into our lives, and I’m so proud of the little girl she’s becoming. She’s joyful, kind, curious, and she truly brightens our home. Watching her grow through every milestone has been one of the greatest gifts of my life.

But as much as I’m celebrating her birthday, I also can’t help but reflect on my own journey these past four years. Her birthday reminds me that I’ve been a mom for four years too. In a way, we’re both growing.

Now that I have children, I honestly can’t imagine life without them. Sometimes I wonder what I even did before they came along. It feels like my life really began when I became a mother. I thank God every day for giving me this opportunity because I remember praying for children. Before my firstborn, we couldn’t have a baby for three years. So when she finally arrived, she truly felt like an answered prayer.

Motherhood, though, isn’t one long honeymoon season. It changes you in ways you never expect.

When I first became a mom, what hit me the hardest was just how difficult it was. Suddenly there was this tiny baby who depended on me for everything. My body didn’t even feel like my own anymore. Every thought revolved around keeping this little person alive and cared for. I breastfed, co-slept, and my baby was with me all the time. I remember hearing people say, “Say goodbye to sleep once you become a mom.” At the time, I didn’t want to believe it, but it was true.

Looking back, though, I wouldn’t trade those sleepless nights for anything. They were worth it. And they were temporary. Babies grow. They start sleeping longer. Now my four year old sleeps through the night and falls asleep easily. Those exhausting nights didn’t last forever, even though they felt endless at the time.

I think one of the most profound things motherhood has taught me is that it exposes everything that’s already inside of me.

Before becoming a mom, I thought I was a patient, gentle, kind person. Then motherhood held up a mirror. It exposed my impatience, my frustration, my anger, my selfishness, and my pride. It showed me sins I didn’t even realize were there.

That doesn’t mean motherhood is just about failure or guilt. It’s overwhelming, and I think we need to give ourselves grace. But when those flaws show up, they also become opportunities to grow. I don’t want to keep responding the same way tomorrow that I did today. Motherhood keeps revealing the areas where I still need God’s help.

There have been so many moments where I honestly didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have the strength. I didn’t have the patience. I didn’t have the wisdom. That’s where Jesus met me.

Motherhood made me realize I cannot do this on my own. I don’t have what it takes by myself to be the mother these children need. But Jesus does. He is patient. He is kind. He is gentle. He is loving. The more I depend on Him, the more He changes me to become more like Him. That’s the fruit of the Spirit growing in us, and it’s a lifelong process.

Motherhood has become one of God’s greatest tools for sanctifying me. Sanctification simply means that ongoing process of becoming more like Christ. It’s not something we ever fully arrive at. I’m certainly not perfect, and I still make mistakes every single day. But God continues to work on my heart through motherhood in ways I never would have experienced otherwise.

There’s a verse in the Bible that says women will be saved through childbearing. That verse has always been meaningful to me, not because motherhood earns salvation, but because it’s through motherhood that Jesus completely transformed my life.

When my first daughter was born, I was still deeply involved in New Age spirituality. I thought I had found the answers there. But after my second baby, everything changed. That was when God pursued me. That was when Jesus became real to me. That was when the Holy Spirit spoke to me through Scripture.

Motherhood brought me to the end of myself. I reached a place where I knew I couldn’t keep relying on my own strength. I felt empty. I felt lost. I wanted to surrender, but I didn’t know who I was surrendering to.

In the New Age, you’re told to surrender to the universe or to your higher self, but it’s so vague. This time it was different. This time I knew exactly who I was surrendering to. It was Jesus.

Looking back now, I can honestly say motherhood became one of the greatest ways God redeemed my life.

Motherhood humbles me every day. It reminds me how much I still need wisdom. I’m constantly asking God, “Is this the right decision? Am I leading my children well? Help me know what to do.”

I don’t have motherhood figured out. I don’t think I ever will. I simply take it one day at a time, asking God to guide me through whatever that day holds.

If I could say something to the woman I was before becoming a mom, I would tell her this: You don’t figure motherhood out before it begins. You figure it out as you go. Every season teaches you something new. Every child teaches you something new. You cannot do it all. You were never meant to.

You need people to help you, and most of all, you need God. His strength will carry you when yours runs out.

Four years into motherhood, I can honestly say I feel deeply fulfilled. I’m grateful. I’m content. I love watching my daughter and my son grow into the people God created them to be. I’m learning to embrace every season, even the difficult ones. My children are changing, I’m changing, and even my body is changing.

Four years somehow feels incredibly long and incredibly short at the same time.

More than anything, my heart is just full of gratitude. God has blessed me with these precious children, and every day I am reminded that children truly are a blessing from the Lord.